Doubts

Alot of things crossed my mind recently, i guess what people say 

about from6 is true. form6 makes you think alot. your future~ your dreams~ your desire~ your happiness~ and so much more~ everytime i heard high school musical songs through my ipod makes me think of that perfect world where friends would stick together, have fun, enjoying everyday~ isn't that wonderful. I know it is not possible but it just seems too real~ i mean you don't have to worry about your homework, your everyday routines~ your worries just seems to be so free~ you just enjoy your time with your friends~ and i want that. life now is so hectic especially with my tight schedule.. captain of my sports team, organising so many games and events, choir competition is up, sells are on~ and etc.. i just wish time can stop like one week and get me off this city, send me to a countryside and i only have my phone, ipod, and homework with me~ where i get to feel the breeze of the wind that touches my face gently, the calm water of the water hitting the seaside/shore, birds singing happily with the rustling sound of the trees' leaves and the nature's beauty~ where i get to finish and organise all my work.. but guess what?? *POOOFFF* once your finish that, more work is up! well, all i can say is~ i will live my life to the fullest and finally do what i want~

i am searching for my happiness~ everyday i try to motivate myself but sometimes i just cant help it~ situations that put me into my deepest worries and sadness~ i need God's guidance. i pray to Him every night before i sleep. just to get that spirit, calmness, guidance, strength, wisdom, protection to move on to my next day. and i know He heard every cries of mine as well as His other sons and daughters~ i am learning how to be patient, awaiting that moment of NO BOUNDARIES~ 

i seriously wanna just relax. it's  just so many work needed to be done. everyone is depending on me and they have no idea what am i going through. yes~ in class or in front of my friends i show how jolly or happy i am but deep inside i am tired. tired of how the world is~ i just dont feel like here. i was suppose to be born at some other place but i know God has bigger plans for me. and i aint ready to give up for my life, and dreams~ 

one thing i have to say to Dear Lord is thank you for giving me such blessed friends~ they play an important part in my life and what i can say is, i appreciate them and i love them~ without them i would not have today~ without them, i wouldnt be this strong~ they are what makes me strive each day of my life~ 

what our late Steve Jobs said was right. i really wanna do what i want.. but courage takes up a whole big part and i just aint brave enough. furthermore, confidence is also a factor. and i know, it's hard to get that. on my appearance, i look confidence but that's what i look in front of my friends~ actually i really have no confidence in pursueing my dreams. if i were to pursue i might not be where i am right now~ and there's so much factor i need to consider.. leaving behind so many things and most importantly, leaving as the only child which my parents will depend on me in the future. dreams or family? my teacher told me : "you are living for your dreams not your parent, they will go away one day and when that day comes you will live in emptiness knowing how much you have missed and regret for not achieving your dreams " another teacher told me : "it's not good to just go for your dreams, your parenst have nutured your since little and they hope you would do the same." DILEMMA!!! but call me selfish as you want, cause i am studying for my future but mostly for my parents satisfaction =(  i will go for my dreams, and still be a good son. 

i will pursue my dreams before i turn 25. 

i made that promise to myself. 

now, i leave it to the mighty ALL God~ Amen~ ^^